Sunday, November 28, 2004

Chug the future Lawyer

Chug is a cynical little bitch. The greatest injustice to Chug's character is the fact that he was born a finite temporal being. After the ecstasy of childhood was forgotten (or maybe before), he began to use his precious time to invent diseases and diagnosis’s that would end his life. Unlike most hypochondriacs, Chug didn't create a clean lifestyle for himself. Instead, he let his hair grow dirtier and dirtier by the day. Ironically, the shell casing made up of grease, dead cells and a whole mess of lint from the ceiling of his car and doorways have created a hard, biologically sound helmet casing around his head area. In conclusion to scientific structure tests on his mythical fro and mini fros (located in the genital region, chest region, anal region, armpit region and both big toes), Chug decreed that diseases, especially sexually transmitted ones would not be a problem for his exoskeleton encasements. So Chug, embodying an Italian stereotype, changed his fears into cynicism. In this way, Chug hopes to dominate the social structures of society by taking the devil's advocate stance on every issue. Although the author does not wish to attack the validity of Chug's arguments, he just wishes to note that a lot of them are argued for the sake of pissing people off. The merriment of his cynicism must make his penis numb with pressure because of having no room to erect itself inside the tightly defensive dome of pubic hair. Consequently, since pubic hair is known for its clumpy nature and hardness, a kick to Chug's balls would just emit a smile and a hideous "Wha wha wha". The only way to defeat the man is a punch to the face, but the author does not wish to attempt this feat. The spiky "24" o'clock shadow surrounding his facial area would rip through the skin of his hand, revealing pearly white bones and torn muscles. Although Chug will make a good lawyer, his talents would better serve him as a wrestler named "The Almighty Hairpochondriac" in the WWE.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that wop dego's hairy ass.

4:05 PM  

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